Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Ending 2010

As 2010 comes to an end, I cannot say that I am sad to see it leave. This has not been a bad year, but there are many ideas that I wanted to develop and, to date, they remain unfinished. I expected myself to be more advanced, proactive, and satisfied than I actually find myself. On the bright side, my self-awareness has increased. I found plenty of new interests that once experienced weren't all that interesting after all.

So here I sit, facing my computer screen and contemplating what I want to do next. I suppose I should feel discouraged for the lack of "success" in my planning. I am not discouraged though. I am excited at the adventure and growth that has occurred. It doesn't really matter to me if I try and fail--at least I tried. I have found another activity (or two) that I don't excel at, and I am accepting of that fact. At least I made the effort to explore the possibility.

I can almost feel 2011 staring at me. The New Year stretches before me with a myriad of possibilities. Like Columbus in search of a new route to the Indies, I will continue my quest for satisfaction and passion in my life. I know it's out there, and I am determined to keep looking for it.

If you wonder what I am talking about, I am diligently exploring my future now that my children are grown and independent. I am not in the middle of some form of midlife crisis--I think I went down that road when my eldest went off to college. I am trying to put my feet back on the ground now that they are completely gone and on their own.

For so many years, I was a mom. My life revolved around my family. Child-focused activities and events ruled everything. Piano lessons, band practice, birthday presents, and sleepovers kept me busy. I worked and lived according to their schedule. Now, I only have mine, and I am not sure what to do with myself. I realize that I am rebuilding my life as they are building theirs.

Thankfully, I am neither scared nor sad. I accept this phase of my life for what it is. I enter a new season of possibility.

Will I sew in 2011? I doubt it, but if I do I will try new things. My sewing experience for 2010 flopped. If I try sewing again, I want to do something useful and functional. I wonder if I should try my hand at upholstery?